super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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