You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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