Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I