During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.