I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today