he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character