Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
