I wish I could teleport
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
