What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
