Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
