I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Please don't give away my fajitas
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
