....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
