Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
