I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
