i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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