the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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