i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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