The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
