Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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