Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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