She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
