god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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