I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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