you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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