It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
