I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
