Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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