I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
