ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
