WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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