I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When are your genitals available?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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