Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
