pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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