Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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