Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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