he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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