the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
