Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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