It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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