not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
