How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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