He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize