Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
