yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
