last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
