my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
