I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
