I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
