I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
