May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
