ugly people sure do ruin things
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
