Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
