What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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