i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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