The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
