I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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