Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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