Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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