Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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