I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
