I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
