And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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