Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
