Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
