is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
