i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
