Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
