Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
