I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
