They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
