The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You pole danced in your parka.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
