:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
