i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
sex in a hospital.. check
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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