Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's official drugs can't kill me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
