i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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