You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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