we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
