so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
